I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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