I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize