I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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