Please, let me fuck your mom
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
