I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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