I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize