We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
