New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
