I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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