I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
