i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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