I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
