Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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