oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
