I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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