I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
