my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
