I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
