So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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