I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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