Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
