She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
