There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
