ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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