I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
