I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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