Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
