Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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