Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
