Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
