I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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