Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
