highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
