i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
