Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
