I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
