no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
