I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
