Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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