She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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