oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I deserve this hangover.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
