Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
