she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
