Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
