i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
