Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
zippers are such a cool invention
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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