you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He did a backflip because drugs
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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