Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
