First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Of course I have a pirate flag
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
