Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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