Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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