dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
