you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
