HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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