HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
