I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
