Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
