...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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