i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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