nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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