i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
