living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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