I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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