they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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