no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
