Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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